So, Freshman Year is finally here, with all the excitement and anxiety that comes along with starting something totally new. You have packed up your stuff, moved in, and unpacked into a totally new environment. You may have even started classes already. Your parents have left, tearfully or quietly. And now you are looking around your new environment and wondering: What do I do now?
In particular the first few months of Freshman Year are difficult ones. You are out of your familiar environment. You don't have a solid group of friends yet, and you may be feeling like the admissions committee made a terrible mistake by letting you in! Here are some tips to get you through until you reach your comfort level:
Remember to Breathe: College is new experience, and can produce a lot of excitement and stress. Like summer camp, you are around new people 24 hours a day. Unlike camp, you won't be going home in a few weeks. This will be your life for 4 or more years. So take time to yourself when you need it. Remember to exercise, and while junk food is a huge temptation, you will feel a lot better if you make an effort to eat in a healthy way. Sleep is also important. If it is too noisy, get some earplugs. Just remember to put your phone on vibrate under your pillow to wake you up if you think you might not hear your alarm!
Say Yes.... to Everything: Sometimes you just want to veg out in your room.... but at least initially, don't turn down a single invitation or option to try something new. You may meet your soon-to-be best friend that way, or find something that you really enjoy. Even if you hate the experience, you don't have to repeat it. Everyone will be stretching their wings and reinventing themselves initially, so it is a good time to push up against your boundaries as well. Shy people can become more outgoing by make the effort in a new environment. (Saying Yes to everything does NOT include drugs or alcohol!)
Be Easy on Yourself: Insecurity and self-esteem issues can make people boast about or overstate their achievements, and then feel anxious about how they really stack up. This is a huge transition, and everyone else is also doubting themselves at least a little bit. Don't expect straight As (or even Bs) on your first few assignments. And don't wait until the last minute either. It will take a while to figure the rhythm and expectations of college life.
Rely on Yourself (but ask for help if you need it): Your parents love you, and will be happy to hear your complaints and try to solve your problems. Don't let them. Think in terms of: I have this problem, and this is what I plan to do about it. You can ask for advice, but make the decision for yourself. You will feel a lot more independent, and they will respect you more when you are taking responsibility for yourself. Remember, you can always rely on the RA, the Counseling Center, the Dean of Students and the Tutoring Center if you need them. They will be discreet, and no one needs to know. And if you feel lonely, don't call or text your friends back home... get out of your room and walk down the hall and talk to someone new. Your new friend is probably feeling out of place, too.
PARENTS: When my older children went to college, I changed the ring tone on my phone to one from the musical "Hairspray" that sings out: "Stop! Don't! No! Momma I'm a Big Girl Now!" The ring tone reminds me that no matter what I hear on the phone, I should stop giving advice, and start asking: What do you think you are going to do about that? I still get involved in finances and medical emergencies, but when Sasha got head lice her Freshman year, all I could do was say: That sounds awful! Well, you had better head over to health services. The point is, that you are not there, and they need to start doing things for themselves as the young adults they are!
So here are my tips for you:
Encourage, don't solve: The more that you can live and breathe this mantra, the better your relationship will be with your college student! Do not do anything for them on a regular basis that they can do for themselves, including calling professors, etc!
Text, don't call: You don't know where they are every minute of the day anymore. And even when they aren't in class, they may be socializing, so it is much more respectful to text than to call. And they will be more likely to respond. Better yet, wait for them to contact you!
Buy tickets as early as you can: Thanksgiving, Winter and Spring break flights are a bear. They earlier you book, the cheaper they are. It also will give you and your college student a sense of security knowing when you will see them. By the way, pick them up at the airport or station yourself. The ride home is the best time to hear all the details of college life before they reconnect with their high school friends.
Drop offs: Don't think the whole family needs to bring your kid to college. Remember that saying goodbye is emotional for your kid also, and for some, fewer goodbyes at the dorm might be better. Sure you can probably set up a dorm-room better than your child — but you may not get the chance, whether or not you are there. (Credit for this tip goes to Robin Broad, a professor at American University. Thanks, Robin!)
Parents weekend: I have mentioned this before: 2 meals and a shopping trip of their choice. I guarantee they will look forward to your coming back for visits if you stick to this limit. They won't be sick of you, you won't be impinging on their social life, and all in all, it makes for a pleasant visit when everyone knows what to expect!
Wishing you all a happy transition!
In particular the first few months of Freshman Year are difficult ones. You are out of your familiar environment. You don't have a solid group of friends yet, and you may be feeling like the admissions committee made a terrible mistake by letting you in! Here are some tips to get you through until you reach your comfort level:
Remember to Breathe: College is new experience, and can produce a lot of excitement and stress. Like summer camp, you are around new people 24 hours a day. Unlike camp, you won't be going home in a few weeks. This will be your life for 4 or more years. So take time to yourself when you need it. Remember to exercise, and while junk food is a huge temptation, you will feel a lot better if you make an effort to eat in a healthy way. Sleep is also important. If it is too noisy, get some earplugs. Just remember to put your phone on vibrate under your pillow to wake you up if you think you might not hear your alarm!
Say Yes.... to Everything: Sometimes you just want to veg out in your room.... but at least initially, don't turn down a single invitation or option to try something new. You may meet your soon-to-be best friend that way, or find something that you really enjoy. Even if you hate the experience, you don't have to repeat it. Everyone will be stretching their wings and reinventing themselves initially, so it is a good time to push up against your boundaries as well. Shy people can become more outgoing by make the effort in a new environment. (Saying Yes to everything does NOT include drugs or alcohol!)
Be Easy on Yourself: Insecurity and self-esteem issues can make people boast about or overstate their achievements, and then feel anxious about how they really stack up. This is a huge transition, and everyone else is also doubting themselves at least a little bit. Don't expect straight As (or even Bs) on your first few assignments. And don't wait until the last minute either. It will take a while to figure the rhythm and expectations of college life.
Rely on Yourself (but ask for help if you need it): Your parents love you, and will be happy to hear your complaints and try to solve your problems. Don't let them. Think in terms of: I have this problem, and this is what I plan to do about it. You can ask for advice, but make the decision for yourself. You will feel a lot more independent, and they will respect you more when you are taking responsibility for yourself. Remember, you can always rely on the RA, the Counseling Center, the Dean of Students and the Tutoring Center if you need them. They will be discreet, and no one needs to know. And if you feel lonely, don't call or text your friends back home... get out of your room and walk down the hall and talk to someone new. Your new friend is probably feeling out of place, too.
PARENTS: When my older children went to college, I changed the ring tone on my phone to one from the musical "Hairspray" that sings out: "Stop! Don't! No! Momma I'm a Big Girl Now!" The ring tone reminds me that no matter what I hear on the phone, I should stop giving advice, and start asking: What do you think you are going to do about that? I still get involved in finances and medical emergencies, but when Sasha got head lice her Freshman year, all I could do was say: That sounds awful! Well, you had better head over to health services. The point is, that you are not there, and they need to start doing things for themselves as the young adults they are!
So here are my tips for you:
Encourage, don't solve: The more that you can live and breathe this mantra, the better your relationship will be with your college student! Do not do anything for them on a regular basis that they can do for themselves, including calling professors, etc!
Text, don't call: You don't know where they are every minute of the day anymore. And even when they aren't in class, they may be socializing, so it is much more respectful to text than to call. And they will be more likely to respond. Better yet, wait for them to contact you!
Buy tickets as early as you can: Thanksgiving, Winter and Spring break flights are a bear. They earlier you book, the cheaper they are. It also will give you and your college student a sense of security knowing when you will see them. By the way, pick them up at the airport or station yourself. The ride home is the best time to hear all the details of college life before they reconnect with their high school friends.
Drop offs: Don't think the whole family needs to bring your kid to college. Remember that saying goodbye is emotional for your kid also, and for some, fewer goodbyes at the dorm might be better. Sure you can probably set up a dorm-room better than your child — but you may not get the chance, whether or not you are there. (Credit for this tip goes to Robin Broad, a professor at American University. Thanks, Robin!)
Parents weekend: I have mentioned this before: 2 meals and a shopping trip of their choice. I guarantee they will look forward to your coming back for visits if you stick to this limit. They won't be sick of you, you won't be impinging on their social life, and all in all, it makes for a pleasant visit when everyone knows what to expect!
Wishing you all a happy transition!
