Tips for visiting colleges

Everywhere I turn these days, I see tips for students who are visiting colleges. And they all mention the same things... prepare first, visit a wide variety/as many as you can, look at the bulletin boards, etc.

So here are some ideas beyond the standard tour and info session:
Eat a meal: you will be eating on campus for at least your freshman year... see if they have food that you like!

Go to a class: Every admission office has a list of classes that are open for prospective students to attend. Pick one that grabs you and go. You will get a better sense of how you will be spending your time, and your parent's money!

Sit somewhere and read a book: Go to the student union (if there is one) or a lounge area and read. Well, not read exactly, since part of the time will be spent watching and listening to the students around you. If you are the outgoing type (or your parent is) talk to some students. They are the real experts on college life!

Most of all, enjoy! This should be fun, not a chore. Pace yourself. Too many schools in too few days is a recipe for burnout. Try to imagine what you life will be like there, and then take notes on the experience, so it won't blend in with the next college on your list.

What can I be doing NOW to prepare my middle schooler for the SAT’s (or other college admissions stuff)?

In our over-stressed and over-anxious world, middle school parents are often focused many years ahead to worry about things like SATs and how to pay for and help their child get into college. It's no wonder, given the constant stream of news on the college admissions front about how hard it is to get in!

Before I go into what you can do, I want to take a minute to ease some anxiety... There are 3800 colleges in the US. Most of them accept most of the students who apply. Yes, there is a top echelon of schools that receive huge numbers of applications, and as a result accept a very small percentage. And yes, parents of top students are aiming at those schools with a laser-like focus. And I get it. You want your child to have the best college education that money can buy.  I do, too. But I also know that a college that is the right fit for your child, where they are challenged to learn but not overwhelmed, is going to be the best value for your money, whether or not there is a well-known name over the door. Studies have shown that going to college (and working hard) is what is important for future success, not necessarily going to a particular "big name" school. If you have any doubt, look at Loren Pope's excellent book "Colleges that Change Lives."

So you want your child to go college, and you want them to be well prepared to take full advantage of the experience. Middle school is an excellent time to start with some parenting strategies that will have long-term benefits. No, don't run out and buy a SAT-Question of the Day shower curtain (yes, they exist). There will be plenty of time for test prep later on. Besides, when you start with the prep too early, you also run the risk of early burnout.


Planned Obsolescence

The first step might seem antithetical, but you need to get out of the way and let them start taking responsibility for their homework and their school experience. Too many parents become overinvolved in the homework process, and actually take over the responsibility from their kids. As Michael Bradley (author of "Yes, Your Teen is Crazy") said recently: "If it matters to you more than it matters to your child, there is something wrong with this picture."

Believe it or not, middle school is an excellent time for your child to experience a taste of failure. If you step out of the way, and they get a bad grade, then they can develop the problem solving skills to turn it around. When they fail in high school, parents freak out about their permanent college record, and step in to save the situation, setting up their child for lowered self confidence, and a sense that they need rescuing. Not productive in the long run!

Of course you are not going to let them flunk out of school or turn your back when they need your help, but the bottom line is that our job as parents is about planned obsolescence. If you are doing it right, you are working your way out of the job of hands on parent, step by step and into the role of consultant or mentor. More on this in another post....


Take to the Road

The second thing you can do in middle school is to start visiting colleges. No, don't take the tours and the info sessions, but go to a local college and watch a theater or dance performance, root for a sports team, or just walk around the campus on a beautiful day. The idea is to subtly incorporate the idea of college as a goal, and a cool place where learning happens. Here in DC, I highly recommend taking in a basketball game at AU (Men's or Women's) as inexpensive entertainment and education at the same time.

And don't just visit one college. Visit one in the suburbs, and one in the city. One that is large, and one that is small. That way, when it comes time to think about college (sometime during Junior year of High School!) your child will have some basis for comparison, even before you start on your "official" college visits.


Take Things in Stride

The most important point, though, is DON'T STRESS, and don't stress out your kids! Parenting may seem like a marathon instead of a sprint, but ask a parent of a college student, and you will hear about how quickly they leave home! Enjoy your children, even when they are making you crazy. There will be plenty of time to worry about the SATs and a veritable alphabet soup of other tests. For now, try to live in the moment, and work on training in skills and independence that will pay off in the long run!

New College Lady Website is up and running

I welcome everyone to take a peek at the new College Lady website. It is located at www.collegeladydc.com or at www.thecollegelady.net. This blog is linked to it, and I am hoping that it will be a great place to put a variety of information and links to help parents and teens with the college admissions process. Also, the full set of Monkey See videos featuring the College Lady are available there. Let me know what you think, and don't judge me too harshly. It is not up to my graphic design standards (yet), but it is up and running. Hurray!

A Cautionary Tale in the college admissions process

A new blog post in the New York Time Education blog (http://thechoice.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/03/16/envelope-ferdinand-1/) reminds me of a similar experience we had... my stepson also applied late (3 days) to what ended up being his school of choice. He also wanted to go the to business school program, and had to wait until January to start. This is not uncommon, and some applicants are invited to start in January even when they do apply on time. This happens often at Middlebury, for example.  The moral of the story is, don't despair. Spend your semester off doing things that enrich your education, or at a local community college. You will connect with peers when you get there, and everything will work out fine.

Why Would You Use a College Admissions Consultant?

Why would/should/could you use a college consultant? This is a question that I have wrestled with, since I didn't use a consultant to help with the process for my 3 oldest children (the jury is out on what I will choose to do with the last one!). Actually, I wish I had used someone to help with the first one. He was stubborn and unfocused, and didn't really want to hear what we had to say because we were his parents, and what did we know, anyway?

Using a consultant is a big expense, especially when you are looking down the road to paying college tuition, room and board. Which is exactly why a consultant can make sense: College is a huge investment in your child's future, and one which you don't want to leave to chance. Would you buy a house without using a real estate agent or lawyer? Yes, your school has someone who works as a college counselor, and if you are lucky enough to have someone who is knowledgeable, up to date (goes on college tours), and who takes the time to get to know your child, then count yourself as very lucky. (SHOUT OUT here to J Cole at Edmund Burke, who is all of these things and more).

But sadly, according to a new report sponsored by the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation (http://www.insidehighered.com/news/2010/03/03/counselors) most high school counselors are overworked, and just don't have the time to help students find the best fit for them.

As the report notes, student-to-counselor ratios have grown in recent years, making it more difficult for counselors to spend enough time with students. The national average ratio is about 265 to 1, but in some states the ratio is much higher, and the California figure is close to 1,000 to 1.

But enough bashing on the schools, which need as much support as they can get in this age of cutting budgets, teaching to the test, and eliminating funding for extracurriculars.

So what do you get by hiring an independent consultant to help with the college application process?

Information: Applying to college has changed a lot, even in the past few years. You can get advice from your next door neighbor, but chances are it won't have the depth of training and experience you can get from a consultant.

• Yes, the SAT still dominates, but now you can choose which scores to send, and take other tests instead or in addition to the SAT to show knowledge and breadth. Also, there are lots of schools which are testing optional... 
• The Common App has changed the way students apply to college. Now with the push of a button (and a credit card) students can apply to twenty colleges at once. But would you want or need to? A consultant can help target that list, so that applying is less scattershot, and more focused. 
• Yes, you can search for every college online and take a virtual tour. But a good consultant has probably visited every college you are considering, and can give you the inside scoop on schools that can look remarkably similar on paper. 
• Specialized information can make all the difference for students with special learning needs, for athletes and artists. It can take extra effort to track all this information down. 
• Testing and applying aren't the only things that have changed... don't forget about all the forms and hurdles of the merit aid and financial aid process!

The Right Fit: Getting to know the student is one of the most important parts of the process.  From personality testing (if needed) to exploring a variety of options, putting together a list of colleges and universities that are good matches is an important part of the process. This doesn't mean that the teen will be accepted at all their choices, but by tailoring the list to the individual, there is a higher probability of success, and the end result will be a student who is genuinely happy and productive at college.

Save Time: Outsourcing the research and information gathering part of the application process can save famillies time and energy. And who couldn't use a little extra time? High school juniors, especially, are overwhelmed by the day to day demands on their time, and can use every extra second to study or sleep! 

Lower Stress Levels: There is no getting around it. Applying to college is a stressful process for parents and teens. An impartial consultant can help change the process from something else parents have to nag their teens about, into a more collaborative effort. Everyone wins when there is less tension at home, and teens learn to take control of choices and decisions about their future.

For all these reasons and many others, think twice about making an investment in your child's future!

Working to Connect This to my facebook page....

I love Zits. It is always a topical comic when it comes to teen issues. This is a great example of what the parents of high school sophomores and juniors experience whenever the topic of college comes up. It happens whenever I mention college to my sophomore, too! The last time I brought up the subject, she pulled the hood of her sweatshirt up and tried to hide, like a turtle! Oh well, timing is everything! You need to be available to talk when they are ready...